Savvy's Guide to Not Pissing People Off On The Internet:

I've been a net junkie since I was ten years old. Heed my words, they are borne of hard won wisdom. I have the scars to prove it.

Lesson 1 - Talkin' Proper Like:

I don't care if English isn't your first language. 'u' does NOT substitute 'you'. Using l337 or text speak is not cool. If you're going to use l337 then @+ |3@5+ |>0 |+ pr0p3r|`/. (And if you can't read that you have no right to using l337 in the first place.

Bad grammar is also annoying, considerably less that people tpin lik dis, but still annoying. This is a forum where English is the spoken language, if you're new to it, take advantage of the opportunity to learn it, DO NOT adopt that sad conglomeration of letters and words masquerading as a language known as text speak. This is not your cellphone and I don't care how lazy you are with typing. Go buy dragon dictate if you can't manage more than ten mangled words a minute.

Harsh words, but believe me, you look less stupid when you communicate properly. I would hope that if I spoke Japanese of Hindi people would tell me if I sounded like an idiot, I speak a smattering of German and I KNOW I sound like an idiot, therefore I don't try to adopt teeny bopper slang - which would only make me sound more stupid.

And yes, I am well aware that many people are in fact accomplished communicators do break certain rules of grammar for the sake of wit, sarcasm and humour. The people who can pull this off however, are the ones who best understand the rules of their spoken language, as such, don't mess with it if you don't know it. And if u tawk lik dis den u dnt no it. Trust me.

Rules to stick to (whether you're fluent in english or not) -

- Capitalization is one of the less important elements of communication on the internet, but it is still curteous to use it as best you can. NOTE: Use it only for proper nouns, and the beginnings of sentences. Typing in all caps is considered shouting, so keep that for when it's appropriate (which isn't often).

- If you don't know how to spell a word, try www.dictionary.com, www.wikipedia.com, and use the various spellchecking functions your word processor and/or forum may offer.

- Commas, paragraph breaks and fullstops are your friends. They want to help you. Use them, or your friendly neighborhood grammar nazi will ram a first grade english textbook down your throat. And possibly other places too.

- Text speak, constant acronyms, abbreviations and l337 are not valid forms of communication for anything except the occasional burst of humour. Intellectually it puts you on par with a grapefruit. A stupid grapefruit.

- Don't go overboard with emoticons, they get annoying.


Lesson 2 - Trolling:

Yes, yes, I know on the internet we have anonymity. I know we don't have to actually look those we communicate with in the eye. We can hide away behind our computer screens, happy in our delusions of grandeur.

However, trolling will not make you look any smarter, and like it or not one day it will come back to haunt you. People have ways and means of catching up with those who annoy them.

For those of you scratching your heads and asking 'what is this "trolling" you speak of wench?', I will enlighten you. Trolling is what we over here call shit stirring, arm browning, trouble making, and so on. It's essentially trying to stir up trouble, through subtle means or otherwise, on a forum, blog, chatroom, or other form of internet communication.

What is the goal of the average troll? Attention. They want to start what are commonly known as 'flamewars'. They want a fight and they want to goad you on. Think of them as small children, small children with computers and internet connections and the unfortunate ability to type. Many will claim it amuses them, or some kind of superiority over the common rabble (read - everybody but them), but it boils down to the fact that they haven't yet stumbled upon a way of getting attention that doesn't entail minor wars.

The only way to stop a troll (short of assassination, an admin/other authority figure stepping in, or some kind of natural disaster hitting them) is to ignore them. In short, don't feed the troll. Don't answer their posts, however stupid, inflammatory, provocative, hateful, objectionable or otherwise ludicrous.

How do you spot a troll? Well, trolls range from the basic sort, who simply make posts saying things like "I H@T3 Jews LOLLOL" and "M#N R P|GS LMAOROFL", or simply post obscene pictures and the like, to the more complex sort, who seek to derail entire discussions by subtle means. these are the manipulators of the internet and they have the ability to destroy entire forums, and their efforts may not be limited to public methods alone. Look out for some one who is constantly in the thick of fights, quarrels and flamewars, who ignores the logic of sensible debate (e.g. attacking the person rather than the viewpoint, personal insults, generalizations etc), who quickly changes sides/friends/allies and who is never around when the mods wade in to sort it out.

Things to Remember

- DON'T FEED THE TROLL. That is all.


Lesson 3 - Spamming:

Ok, here's the thing, the interest is a gigantic adfest. We all know this. In fact most of us are on this very forum for the sole purpose of advertising our own websites. The thing we need to understand here is that everything is give and take. If you want to take traffic from this forum, and in turn profit, then you need to also give back, by way of valuable content. The above lessons are examples of bad content, and there are many others, but we'll cover those later.

You will also find that while random links all over the place will go in part towards amping up your SEO, you'll find from much more experienced marketers, like the ones who taught and mentored me, that good links nestled within good content is a much better way to go.

Example of a bad ad:

"LOLOL Lookit my site! www.mysiteorsomesuch.com We do vids an' stuff"

This is the type of add, spelt correctly or otherwise, that you will find posted alone in threads on forums, on various blogs, and in chatrooms and so on. This is a BAD ad. It's off putting people because know you're not putting any effort into marketing whatever it is you want to market. It's also off putting because people in general hate being pestered by adds that, when you read between the lines say "GIVE ME YOUR MONEY". These adds will hurt your ability to build relationships with your customers and probably get you kicked out of whatever forum, blog or chatroom you're flooding with spam anyway.

Example of a good ad:

"Hi guys, I agree with the thread author, web 2.0 is an overused saying now, especially in relation to graphic design and webservices. Shopping carts were part of the second wave of ecommerce, true, but web 2.0 is a concept that is much newer than that. It's become a catch-all phrase that devalues it's use in relation to technology and services that actually fit it's original meaning.

I also saw in your post you mentioned you were interested in webdesign, I'm a webdesigner by profession, my company's just getting off the ground, but you can view some of my work at www.heelstoboot.com.

Thanks"

This is an example of a subtle add that not only offers a viewpoint, with some information to back it up, but also puts the poster and the site in question in a good light. This is the sort of add you would use on an existing discussion thread, but you wouldn't want to use it every single post you made as it would eventually become spam all of it's own.

Other good adds include straightforward advertising in appropriate places, be it in your signature, a site banner, a text add and so on. These are the kinds where you can simply promote your product or service as you've paid for it, but it's a good idea to offer relevant information to the general topic as well, as this helps towards building trust with your customer. Once again, back to the concept of give and take. You must give to your customers before they'll give to you. Remember, there's a half a dozen other businesses out there JUST like you wanting their business. They can afford to pick and choose. So be the best from the start by being generous, even if it's as simple as giving some advice or a sample, or not spamming the forums and blogs they frequent.

A less and less common form of spamming is simply posting random junk anywhere and everywhere. This can border on humour but it's one to be very careful with, so avoid it if possible

Things to Remember

- Good ads are subtle and informative, they're USEFUL. This is what makes them good ads.

- Bad ads are self serving and only seek to take. Don't use em.

- Be respectful of where you put your adds, remember; give and take.

- The best advertisement for your business is YOU. Present yourself well and people will automatically attribute those good qualities to your business. People don't deal with businesses, people deal with people.

__________________
Heels to Boot - Eccentric Eclectic's unit!
Genkii Design Solutions - The green kooshball commands you!
L33tmonkey - More fun than a monkey with a shotgun
Learning 4 Ever - Changing the Face of Business

Lesson 4 - Images and Designs:

Everybody who uses the internet will at some point put up photos, artwork or pictures, they might even put up entire websites, like I do (see www.heelstoboot.com for examples of my work) See? that right there was a good add.

The thing to remember is that a computer screen, even the newfangled liquid crystal displays are hard on the eyes, and that not everyone has as fast a computer or as fast an internet connection as you. If you have a gigantic bright orange furby with racial symbols on him, however funny you think it is, put up a warning and a link.

BIG pictures are bad, print resolution for images is 300 dpi, internet resolution is 72, if you scanned it in, resize if before you upload it. Trust me. To make sure, you can check it on any standard image editor, from MS to Adobe Photoshop, just view it at 100% zoom and resize as neccessary. 500X500 pixels is around about the largest size you want to go for forums and so on. For highly detailed work you need to use your own discretion.

Also, don't steal bandwidth, this is known as direct linking. For more info on that try www.wikipedia.com.

Adult content can be appropriate at certain times, and as we all know the internet is the biggest porn library in the world, but in the way that it isn't appropriate to flash underage school kids, it's not appropriate to randomly post porn left right and center. Keep it in your pants and post a link with a warning if you truly can't resist. This applies to forums, chatrooms, blogs and anywhere that it isn't specifically stated that adult material is ok.

Things to remember -

- Big pictures = bad. Small pictures = good.

- Remote linking/bandwidth theft = bad. Uploading to your own server or relevant space = good.

- Adult Content with Link and Warning = good. Adult content posted directly = OH MY GOD MY EYES! WHERE'S THE BLEACH!

- Big bright flashy images = burnt retinas.


Lesson 5 - General Conversation:

In conversation you need to remember that there are people on the other end of the phone line. The fact that you don't have to look them in the eye does not mean that the standard rules of ettiquette do not apply. A lot of people trawl the internet looking for sex, and while I don't deny that this is happening, you'll find that the majority of people online really don't want to see a picture of your genitals or play with you on webcam. They also don't want to know about your sex life.

The standard rule of thumb, at least until you know a person better than you know the average bar of soap, is to say nothing that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying to a nun at your local church, or your dear old grandmother. Or that scary woman at the library. This is especially important on a forum like this, intended for business professionals.

Things to remember

AVOID -

Talking about your sex life or their sex life, they don't need to know and neither do you.

Personal or sweeping comments about race, weight, gender, the usual social taboos.

Your personal issues and problems (this includes asking questions like "do i look pretty?" "wanna see my photo?" "I want to die" "I cut my wrists"). If you want therapy, go to your local support group.

Don't make violent, gorey or generally unacceptable comments just because you think it's funny. You CAN be tracked down (this is easier than you think) and you CAN be arrested. Just because it hasn't happened doesn't mean it won't. At best you'll get away with nothing more than a few viruses sent to your PC and your name added to some weird mailing lists, at worst you'll be arrested and end up in a cell next to a large hairy man who doesn't look like he's famous for being gentle.

Don't ask for personal information, the best you can expect to ask is gender, age and country of residence. Don't push for anymore, it's creepy.

Don't ask for photos. Seriously, it's creepy.


USE CAUTION

Sometimes jokes of a darker nature are acceptable but you need to be careful who they're with. If you're not sure, leave it out.

Certain conversation topics such as racial issues, gender issues and political orientation can be risky, conduct these with tact and avoid them if they become heated. This isn't to say don't engage in debate, just be careful.

Unless you have reason to believe that some one is interested in whatever project/business/etc you're doing, don't try to sell it to them, it's annoying.


Ok, that's it. If you actually made it through that small novela, congratulations. Let me know if you need any more questions.

If any of the terms confused you, try www.wikipedia.com or www.urbanslang.com (not ALL the terms on urbanslang are good to use, be careful)

__________________
Heels to Boot - Eccentric Eclectic's unit!
Genkii Design Solutions - The green kooshball commands you!
L33tmonkey - More fun than a monkey with a shotgun
Learning 4 Ever - Changing the Face of Business

I always thought englishman very tolerant for those who doesn't have english as native language. You are so categorical...

__________________
Leader-1 - Information technology for business

There is a distinct different between the way some one who is learning english talks and the way some one who knows english but is simply lazy talks.

People who are learning forget suffixes, sentence structure, tenses and forms of words. People who are lazy or trying to talk in l337 replace words with letters, letters with numbers, drop vowels entirely and basically butcher the language from start to finish.

You, for example, obviously know the language well enough to spell words like 'thought', 'tolerant' and 'categorical', but you can't be bothered forming a sentence properly, and forget words like 'were' and 'of'.

By the way - If you don't know what a word means, don't use it. Categorical is not a bad thing.

__________________
Heels to Boot - Eccentric Eclectic's unit!
Genkii Design Solutions - The green kooshball commands you!
L33tmonkey - More fun than a monkey with a shotgun
Learning 4 Ever - Changing the Face of Business

I want to tell You in secret, I sometime use online transalator for checking words And I, as You said, try using only known words.

__________________
Leader-1 - Information technology for business

*sigh* Once again, you're using terms and phrases without knowing their context, proper spelling or real meaning. What you meant to say was;

"I'll tell you a secret" or, "I'll let you in on a secret"

and,

"And I only use words I know" - which you don't.


You're trying to be a smartass (which is an example of trolling, by the way). It isn't working. Give it up mate, I'm not looking for a fight.

__________________
Heels to Boot - Eccentric Eclectic's unit!
Genkii Design Solutions - The green kooshball commands you!
L33tmonkey - More fun than a monkey with a shotgun
Learning 4 Ever - Changing the Face of Business